April 1st 3 a.m.
I hold my little guy, gently rubbing his back. My heart starts to beat faster when I realize he's not breathing. I quickly unwrap his tiny body and look inside his mouth for secretions. The past day has not been good. A few hours ago, the nurses called a code blue. It took a few minutes of suctioning and coaxing to get him to start breathing again.
These images flash through my mind as I quickly place Will back in his crib. The nurse rushes in just as I start suctioning his mouth. It's amazing how quickly his arms and legs turn blue. She grabs the suction hose from me and tries clearing his nose. He lets out a whimper, takes a deep breath, and my heart slowly returns to normal.
"I think the reason his secretions have increased is because of his new feeding tube," the nurse says.
I nod in agreement. It only makes sense. Ever since switching to this new tube, he has gone downhill. His stomach just can't handle digesting milk yet, not to mention his reflux.
I make a mental note to speak with the doctor tomorrow.
April 2nd
"We have decided to change Will back to his NG tube," Dr. G says. "Our main goal right now is to protect his airway and keep him breathing."
I agree and we end the call.
Later, I walk into Will's room and rub my tired eyes. I hear him squeak and I smile over at his crib. He is doing so much better already. His secretions have come down and he hasn't stopped breathing since. I immediately put my hands on his body and whisper soft loving words, breathing in his baby smell.
I love this boy.
I say a quick prayer and thank Heavenly Father for helping him through the night. He has yet again sent his angels to watch over him and I am so grateful.
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