Tolerating feeds

Surrendering to the Savior is a daily choice.

I sit here watching Will struggle as he gags and retches, then attempts to catch his breath. An alarm goes off and the nurse runs in, gives him a few puffs of oxygen, then exits the room. My heart breaks and I feel so very helpless.

His fundoplication and G tube surgery was 3 days ago. And now he isn't tolerating his feeds. His tummy isn't used to getting food. He's always been fed past his stomach, in the jejunum. The doctors don't really seem to know how to proceed. And neither do I.

During the shift change, I listen in as the nurse reviews his history. My heart starts to race as she goes down the list.

Microcephaly
Bilateral Congenital Hip Displasia (both hips are out of socket and need surgery)
Neurological impairment
Cerebral Palsy
GERD
Cast on left food to correct malformation
Recent Fundoplication surgery
G tube
1/4 liter oxygen
problems swallowing

I start to tear up and wonder how much more one little baby can take.

But then I look at him and he looks at me. I'm so blessed to be his momma. As hard as this is, I am grateful to be able to walk this sacred path with him, where angels are continually surrounding him.

I want him to come home. But first he needs to tolerate food in his tummy.

I know that if we all pray for this, it will happen.

I know it.