first church outing

Molly passed away two weeks ago and I am at church. My kids are dressed, hair combed. I think their shoes even match. :) After Sacrament meeting, I walk over to chat with a few women and almost feel "normal".

But then a woman cheerfully turns to me and says, "Isn't it great this life is so short? You'll be with your Molly in no time!"

The comment, although meant well, hits me like a ton of bricks.

I'm instantly crying and I rush from the building. I go to my car and sit there sobbing. I pound my fists on the steering wheel and let it all out. I'm sure if anyone saw me they would think, 'who is this crazy person?'

I am there for a long time thinking and pondering.

Am I weak? Do I not have an eternal perspective? Do I believe the things I've been taught, or don't I?

I suddenly remember a very dear friend who gave me some advice. She said, "Give yourself permission to be sad." She didn't try to cheer me up. She didn't say, "Don't be sad! You'll see her again!" She simply said, "Be sad." Thinking about this simple comment, I breathe a deep sigh of relief.

Yes, my family is sealed. Yes, I'll be with my Molly again. Yes, this life is short in the eternal scheme of things. But that knowledge doesn't take away the pain I feel right now.

And it's OK to be sad. It's OK to mourn and cry.

I wipe my tears and look in the rearview mirror. Oh dear, splotch city. I do my best to make myself look half-way normal and decide to go back in.

As I enter the building, I walk a little taller.