Our boy

When a heart has been shattered into a million pieces, is it possible for those pieces to fit back together?

One by one, I start the process. Sometimes a piece doesn't quite fit, so I try again the next day.

I believe with all my heart that God loves me. I know it, but I also believe it. He planned to have this perfect boy join our family. He just had to get here a different way.

The tears we shed and the joy we feel is indescribable. After a few months of talking with an amazing woman, we are told that we have been chosen. Chosen to be the parents of another child of God. Chosen to love and raise this boy with compassion. This boy. This angel.

My heart swells at the thought. Am I really going to have another baby this soon? Am I ready? In a way, I've never been more ready for anything. But there's a part of me that is terrified to open my heart. The pain of having my heart torn from me time and time again has left me fragile and apprehensive. But without love, without vulnerability, am I really living?

Adoption

A few days after we deliver our sweet little Grace, we talk about the possibility of adopting a baby. The idea fills my soul with warmth. This feeling continues to grow as the days pass, and I can't deny the fact that we are now meant to include an adopted baby into our family. But immediately the questions start.

How long will it take?

Will people think we are trying to replace our other babies?

Am I just trying to fill this giant hole in my heart?

What if nobody chooses us?

As quickly as the worries begin, they subside. That feeling of warmth fills me up again, and I know, as much as I know anything, that we are meant to adopt.

Tyler and I fly into action. We sit down and put an adoption blog together, research various agencies, and start to spread the word about our intentions.

I know there is a selfless amazing woman out there who is searching for us. Our hearts beat with the same love, the same goal. Now we just need to find each other.