Friday, December 26, 2014

December 26th

I wonder if it's possible for a heart to actually break. Tears flow freely as I hold my little soldier against my chest. As I feel Will's struggled breath, the thought of him suffering one more day is almost unbearable. 

I brush my lips against his feverish forehead and begin the second verse to my favorite lullaby. The desire to take his pain away is overwhelming. How can a mother sit and watch her child suffer and struggle? The tears don't stop as I begin a second lullaby. 

Oh my heart.

How long will this last? When will he take his final breath? People say not to worry about the future and just enjoy each day with him. But how can I enjoy each day as he fights for each breath? All I want is for the suffering to stop. I only care for his comfort. I whisper an urgent prayer and plead with Heavenly Father to take his pain away, and to comfort his soul.

I feel breathless as I finish my prayer. I can't get enough air. Thoughts of Molly's last moments flood my mind and I start to panic. I try to focus all my energy on Will and his comfort. I want what's best for him, and if that means that I have to let him go be with the Savior, then I will do it. 

I will do it because of the intense and pure love I have for him. 

I just don't know how I will do it. I pray with everything inside me that I will have the courage and strength.

3 comments:

  1. My heart goes out to you and your beautiful warrior son, Will! My prayers will continue to be with him!!!

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  2. Thank you Rach. He is such a little warrior!

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  3. How is your warrior today? Has his fever dropped? Sending more prayers and love!

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