Another baby

I was chatting with a friend and told her I want to have another baby. She said, "Are you sure you want to do that? What if this type of thing happens again?"

After thinking for a few moments I said, "Just because you get in a horrible car accident, doesn't mean you never get in the car again."

I want another baby.

Am I nervous something bad will happen again? Of course.

Am I just 'replacing' Molly? Never.

At first I was scared of receiving bad judgements from people. Now I realize that it doesn't matter. This is between me, Tyler, and our Heavenly Father.

If and when we are blessed to have another baby, I will cherish every moment I get to spend with with them. I am hopeful that everything will work out the way it's supposed to. And if our next little one is to enjoy only a short time in my arms, I can think of no greater calling to be the mother of yet another choice spirit.

We are so blessed to have not just one, but two children waiting for us on the other side. They are rooting for us and helping us along the way.

I am truly blessed.

Baby Colin

My husband and I just returned home from Wisconsin. We attended the funeral of our three month old nephew. Last week, he passed away while taking his afternoon nap. And we're left with the question, Why? Why did this have to happen?

As I quietly sit and take in the scene at Colin's funeral, I am reminded of my still-tender feelings during these last nine months. I glance around at friends and family offering condolences. The flowers are in place, pictures are displayed, and a quiet video loops sweet pictures of Colin and his family. I start to feel the same deep sorrow I felt when we buried my Molly. I look at Erika and Jeremy and try to swallow the lump forming in my throat. Words can't explain the feelings I'm having.

I would do anything to take the coming pain from them.

I give Erika a hug and feel a deep connection, one that only comes from two mothers losing their children. We have always been great friends, but I sense a new bond that will run deep through the years. My heart is breaking for her.

I make my way over to Colin and place a hand on his cheek. Those chubby cheeks. The kind you could just munch on all day. I think about Molly and Colin playing together looking down on us and a feeling of peace washes over me.

Erika and I are blessed to have each other. Molly and Colin will take care of each other until the day they will be reunited with their Mamas. And until then, I will continue on.

Be still, my soul; The hour is hast'ning on

When we shall be forever with the Lord,

When disappointment, grief, and fear and gone, 

Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored.

Be still, my soul; When change and tears are past,

All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

Colin and his big sister